It all started with a very bad, no good, rotten run.
And a card given to me by my wonderful friend Erica.
I was planning on doing a 3 mile run. I was excited, ready to run. And I start…and everything just felt wrong. My legs, the music, my breathing, the way my foot was hitting the ground. 1.5 miles later and I just couldn’t go on, I just wasn’t feeling it. I’m the kind of (stubborn) person who when I put my mind to something, I’m going to do it. And last night I just didn’t do it.
I of course felt like a failure. Angry, hurt, frustrated, depressed. You name it, I felt it.
Afterwards, I internally berated myself for hours about my less than stellar performance.
But why? Why do we do this to ourselves?
And then I read the card. Yesterday Erica gave me a little care package for my office, complete with nutrition bars and a nalgene for the “gnarly runner goddess” in me. There was homemade card that read “you inspire me.”
Instead of thinking of what I have accomplished, of how proud people are of me (and how proud I am of myself,) I dwell on the “bad,” internally scolding and reprimanding myself for failures and mistakes.
That horrible run and that beautiful card made me realize that this bad thinking has to stop. And it has to stop today.
I need to stop and realize that I have accomplished a lot. At the end of October, I decided I wanted to become a runner. And I did just that. 122 miles, 15 pounds lost, 9:55 pace.
But truthfully, it’s not even about the running.
It’s really about proving to myself what I can do. And acknowledging how far I have gone to reaching my goals.
And we all need to start acknowledging that in ourselves.
“I am not built like a runner.
My bones aren’t weightless.
My legs aren’t gazelle-like.
As a child, no one ever said, “Now that one…she’s going to be a runner.”
I am not a marathon runner.
But, I know that no one is a marathon runner until they actually run one.” – Nike ad